“I don’t mind being your number two, as long as I’m not your number three,” is what she told me at the youngest stages of our relationship, if you could actually call it a relationship.
It’s an interesting predicament to find oneself in. To have a wife and child at home and yet develop and maintain a completely separate functioning relationship with a woman who has the patience and understanding to realize she not only has a role in your life, but an understanding of just what that role is and how it exist in the first place.
I realize the existence of an affair is wrong in and of itself. But, I was attempting to regain a part of me that had been displaced long ago.
Babygirl and I had been married now for some time. The mistake of walking down the isle had long been realized, but like any man would probably do in my situation, I tried to give what I deemed my all with little to no success.
Sadly, I hadn’t learned yet how to give my all, so my marriage in that respect was probably due to fail anyways. One cannot maintain a marriage on the strength of someone’s love for another and yet I hoped Babygirl’s love for me would carry us through. I was mistaken.
I had slipped back into my old self with random rendezvous and such. Sex with random women actually became easier to obtain once I had a ring on. I could explain to my victims their heart or emotional stability was not a concern of mine. They understood there would never be any type of competition for my love or my heart, because those emotions would never be allowed to manifest themselves outside of my family.
Once the ideal of sex was simplified in this manner, women respected the fact I was honest with them although I was far from being honest with my life as a whole. Talk about irony... (To Be Continued)
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