Relationships are interesting. Well at least the titles and emotions we associate with each title can be. I often wonder why we as individuals change our mentality with each level of a relationship. In the end, doesn’t it make us harder to understand and get to know?
This is what I mean: We meet a companion, someone we are attracted to for whatever reason, be it because of beauty, intellect, the type of music they are listening to, or because they happen to be sitting alone at a bar just as we are at the time. After some small talk, we come to a revelation that this is a person we would like to see again on a date, out in public and not necessarily just behind close doors. Okay, well many of us decide at that moment this is someone I want to fuck, but for the sake of argument, we’ll assume this is an afterthought.
A few occasions pass and suddenly you are now or becoming one of two things. Either you are becoming friends, which is the ideal path if you ask me, not that you did. Either you’re friends or you’re dating, depending on your perspective.
And now that I’m thinking about it, why do people ask what it is your looking for? Are there people who wake up in the morning and decide, “I’m going to find my girlfriend or wife-to-be today?” And if there are people who think this way, I am deeply concerned about their mentality. I believe if you are looking for a particular thing, then you have in your mind an ideal of who the person is. You want him to look a certain way and act a certain way. That’s not completely a bad thing I suppose but the problem I see is you will try to place people into the mold of your thought process instead of getting to know someone for who they are. If he doesn’t do this then he doesn’t make the cut. If he doesn’t look a certain way then he doesn’t have a chance. Why not just focus on being you and keep an open mind so if someone crosses your path, you will be more open to getting to know them for who they are and not for who they could be in your life.
Anyways, here you are. You have found someone who you seem to get along with and you decide to pursue him or her. It’s a delicate situation because we don’t want to give off the wrong impression. You don’t want to come off to strong and seeming like you want to get this man or woman in a relationship and marriage tomorrow. But you don’t want to become just a friend, a guy or girl who will forever be on the sideline in their life and relationships.
Now some see becoming friends as a dead end. I mean really, if you’re attracted to a woman and you begin to see her as someone you can be with, why would you want to risk her paying you no mind and moving on with some other knucklehead? So many times we panic and go into jealousy mode. We feel like we need to guard our territory maybe. Or perhaps we don’t want to be threatened by the good will and friendship of another companion.
I’m moving to fast again. Emotions and titles is where we were. So when we meet a companion, we present ourselves in a certain way. We have a choice to be open and honest with whom we are at this point in our lives or we can choose to share only what we deem as the “good parts” of us. We are careful in this decision because don’t want to scare away this person of our supposed dreams or lustful desires.
The relationship progresses and you begin to date. Going out to watch a movie or have dinner. Taking strolls through the park. Doing anything we can to learn more and more about the person we have just met. Secretly hoping to get some if the opportunity presents itself but not setting it as a priority.
These things are fine if that is who you are. What I mean is, if its not in your nature to buy a woman a rose from time to time, then I suggest you not do this in the beginning. In my experience with life, women tend to enjoy things like this and will expect it to continue. A fault we make as men is we feel this is just an attention getter; a means of flattery. We don’t feel as if it will continue to be an expectation as our relationship progresses. Cards are great to give. Poetry is my preference, but if we don’t feel like we can keep it up, we might as well expect to argue about it a few years down the road of our relationship.
So again, we present ourselves in a certain way, in a certain light hoping “she likes me.” We decide after a while things are great so maybe we should try this thing out. So you decide to get into a relationship. You decide to be exclusive with this individual. Most of us are definitely fucking by now which a lot of times can cloud the progression of the relationship, especially if the sex is good. We begin to see possible flaws in our companion but they are only minor things we are positive we can deal with or handle. We begin to think differently about our expectations of our counterpart. Sure as a friend or date, you did this, but as my woman or my man I expect this.
Why is that I wonder? Does the title change who we are? If your companion was a bit of a flirt or had a lot of friends, is it fair to expect it all to end? Should we not be able to trust that our companion knows when and where to draw the line without sacrificing the person they are? I’m not saying you shouldn’t expect him to behave, be faithful and treat you as gracefully and respectfully as possible, but what if he is just naturally a social person? Do we shelter the individual to ensure he doesn’t go astray or do we hand them a rope and allow him to do what he chooses with it until he hangs himself? I choose the latter.
Next we decide to move our relationship even further. We cant live without them. Air seems to loose its oxygen content when she’s not around. We wake and sleep with this person on our mind and in our heart. We consider spending the rest of our lives with this individual. You want to sweep her off of her feet. You plot and plan how to “wow” the woman of your dreams. You plan a way to propose a new life together with her, so the two of you can walk hand in hand down the passage of life.
Now I realize some actions should be modified once you enter a relationship. If you have chosen to commit yourself to an individual than it is only fair you spend time with the individual and not focus on trying to spark the interest of any other. But I think a lot of times we have expectations of how our companion is suppose to be. We expect them to change what is in their character to appease us.
Maybe this is too confusing to explain rationally. The problem with expectations is they can differ vastly with our companions. For instance when I say friend, instantly you think of someone you consider a friend. Same thing happens when I say fiancée or husband and wife. Our past and our experiences give us a predetermined ideal of who these people are and how we expect these people to be. But if my vision of a girlfriend or wife or what have you is different than what your vision is, than will it create an issue? Will you expect me to change who I am to fit the mold of your expectation.
Bottom line is we shouldn’t expect people to change who they are when we met them to become the person we expect them to be as our companion. Perhaps it’s an issue much easier said than done. Or maybe I’m just speaking in riddles.
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