Twist Of Fate

She... Told me she was getting married
Then preceded to push through my chest and bruise my heart
Tear my whole world apart
And somehow I should have known this is how it would all be resolved
Completely flipped rationality and understanding
And made me question that emotion once again
You know, The one they call love
See our spirits were suppose to fit each other like a glove
And most times they did
You can see that result within our kid
But she often times felt I was stringing her along
So she moved on
Unknown to my expectations
Had my own thoughts of where we were taking these relations
And now I'm sitting on this phone wondering what the fuck just happened to my love.
Told me she was about to wed and
This dudes been all up in her head and
Trying to make me out to be some type of dead beat
But he don't know me
Doesn't even try
Afraid to admit his relationship is a lie
Just a generated, fucked up "oh it's pay back time."
See, she had the last laugh
And now we all suffer
Feeling that marriage is just an escape
To try to get away from the hate and rage
That I planted deep inside with my distorted mind
And now she married
Had another child to carry
And got me wondering the same question she struggled with through our trials together
Damn... Why me?
©KLH 2011

"Truth vs. Lies" an excerpt from The Makings of a Man

Why can’t you just tell me the truth?  Is this not THE most loaded question in the world?  I could argue that for most men it is.  We never mean to lie to those we care about.  But there are times where we put ourselves in situations where we feel like we need to lie to protect those same individuals.  Sounds like a bunch of bullshit don’t it.  I can see that.  The rationale being that we should not have anything to lie about in the first place.

 

I agree with you there.  And trying to explain why it is I have lied in my past is probably going to be a next to impossible sale.  But you’ve at least listened to my opinion thus far and I would hope that you wouldn’t judge my rationale at this juncture.

There does not exist a guy who wants to be “that” guy.  That guy being defined as the one who has permanently scarred your heart and emotions.  The one who you forever discuss with your girlfriend by saying “I’m done with relationships because of so and so,” or “he taught me that men cannot be trusted.”

In our ignorance, the lies usually beget the latter discussions.  But let me make this situational so to shine a little light onto what I mean.  Let’s assume you have been lied to.  (I know it’s a stretch for you ladies to visualize being lied to but humor me lol).  Now to a guy a lie isn’t as bad as it is to a woman.  And if he’s never caught or found out in his lie, than it is merely a passing fad.  Lies could be small i.e., “I just want to get to know you better.”  “Sex isn’t even on my mind, we just met.” Or lies can be huge i.e., “its not my baby.” “I didn’t know she was your friend.” “It wasn’t me.”

Whatever the lie may be, once it’s told, it’s told.  So how do you undo a lie and save face is the conundrum we typically find ourselves in.  And by we I mean me.  Even after the arguments and disagreements, after everything is all said and done, it’s often difficult to come clean of the lies you have told because you don’t want to be that guy.

Usually the woman who is at her wits in says the question beginning this chapter.  She is fed up with the lies, most of which she already knows in her mind anyway, which is yet another misconception I have made in my past.  Women research the answers they seek before they ask, which is really a set up in the first place.

Anyways, the question is asked so that we can come clean of all we have done.  It’s out chance to “be a man and admit to what we have done.”  More often then not, we fail this test of love and end up becoming the guy that we try so desperately to avoid.  In our minds it seems like the right thing to do.  Why would anyone want to throw gasoline on a blaze that is way out of control?  If I have caused you so much pain, why finish you off by lying out the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?  Does this lessen the pain and emotional damage I have already caused?  Does it allow you to breath a sigh of relief and say, “well at least you finally came clean?”  Or does it make you hate us even more that we had to lie to you in the first place?  Don’t ask me, I am far from an expert in this matter.

Mental Aggression

Visions… flashes…

Memories of ecstasy
Clouding my mentality
Wanting for u, do u still want for me?
Or has our time past, lost in fantasy?
Never have my wish, but couldn’t say goodbye
What was so wrong with giving us a try?
Scared of the outsiders or hiding in a lie?
Your smile, always etched by the clouds in the sky.

An unknown answer to an unasked question…
A coma-like trance without a dream…
A fantasy without fulfillment…
A sexual expression of love without esteem…

Random thoughts… flashes… visions…

Still see the look in ur eyes as we two become one
Still desire to see how they look when u cum
Still fee the pressure of u wrapped around my waist
Still savor the flavor of the very first taste
Still hear the mental sound of u calling my name
Still wonder if u say it out loud just the same
Still wanting to be here to help u get through
Still hoping to hear u call me ur boo

Visions… flashes…

Of fucking and sucking
Kissing and touching
Inside and out
Leaving no doubt
Breathing and sweating
Licking and panting
Naked bodies
Pulsating and trying
Experimenting
Conversating
Lying with me
Things that I see

All in my head.
©KLH 2010

Clouded visions

Can't escape this vision
You have become this mystical being
When I close my eyes you're all I'm seeing
And I want nothing more but to reach and grab hold of your emotions
You've set things in motion that I swore would never exist again ever
And yet
I blink and you're there
Blowing me kisses
Or rubbing your nipples
Or tempting and tormenting the over exaggerated mentality that is my own
Blink blink damn
I find myself wishing my eyelids could be removed
But even if that impossibility were true,
You...
Would find ways to have me bound in a room
Force to stare at you while u
Undress, then dress then undress again
Continuing to force my thoughts to give in
And have their ways
With you and me
Out in a field or lost at sea
And constantly blinking
Awaiting the next cataclysmic
Orgasmic vision
Of u
In the nude
Sweat glistening off ur skin
Tongue rolling across ur lips
Hands caressing the curves of ur own body
Tempting me
As only u know how
Making me want to see u now
So I close my eyes
And give in
Again
The room glows bright from the light of the candles
While we test the boundaries of what we can handle
Positions created
Feelings elated
Holding each other as if we were fated
To be
This we
That I see
When I blink


©KLH 2011